Michael Moore's Bitch Slap

I told you the Dems would overreach.
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-oe-moore17nov17,0,3842827.story

*...Thus, here is "A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives"
:1) We will always respect you. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

Michael, really. I doubt you which can muster much respect for the likes of me. I assume by "encourage to dissent and disagree with us" means the usual: you will distort, deny and obfuscate the discussion, then turn it to a personal attack about my mental acuity and emotional stability. We've been down that "comity" road before, Michael. Leftists like you can't respect anyone else's opinions--you are simply constitutionally incapable of such objectivity. Sorry.

See, Mike, old boy, what you represent is the most dangerous delusion this country has come up against in many decades. In other words, I can't trust you any further than I can throw you--and considering your size, well...

2) We will let you marry whomever you want (even though some among us consider your Republican behavior to be "different" or "immoral"). Who you marry is none of our business. Love, and be in love — it's a wonderful gift.

Good, considering I already have married whom I want, which is really great because hardly any of us care one way or the other. By the way, the "Republican" allusion in your statement is as suspicious as it was gratuitous. Again, with such sarcasm, I can't trust you.

3) We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook too, and we will balance it for you.

As for spending my grandchildren's money: yeah, you will. And regarding my checkbook, I'd rather have Gimpy the Chimp do that job, thanks.

4) When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home too. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on some amateur Power Point presentation cooked up by men who have never been to war.

Sons and daughters! My, aren't we dramatic, especially since you have yet to acknowledge our military is a volunteer one. As for the promise to not send "my" kids off to war, you can't begin to make such a deal. No one can!

And that part about men who've never been to war? Look in the mirror, little boy. Then talk to me about your "view" of military matters.

5) When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you too will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that afflict you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family too.

Of course, I'll finally see the that government doctor next year. However, I will admit that if I have a heart attack, I'll likely be seen within two to three months. You're right, Michael, if I fall ill, someone will see me--probably an undertaker.

About the stem cell thing: now this has really got out of control. You and your pals have absolutely NO proof that stem cells will give you the answers you seem to require. The problem with your position is it is paralleled to abortion rights and cloning. I'm just darned suspicious of what you really want to do in that Orwellian world you seem to long for. You want to create (clone) embryos to kill them. Admit it and we'll all be happier.

Not that it matters, but I think such a position is interesting because I can imagine your parents would've got rid of your genes in a nanosecond, had they known your tendency to overweight. Be careful, little man. This stuff is cosmic and meaningful. But then, you don't believe life begins at conception; I do.

6) When we clean up our air and water, you too will be able to breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water. When we put an end to global warming, you will no longer have to think about buying oceanfront property in Yuma.


Gee, Michael, since your buds and you have cornered the market on scientific knowledge in these area, I am reticent to take anything any of you whackos seriously. I can't help but wonder just WHY you can't get all those scientists to agree with you. Personally, I'm of the mind the earth is big enough to take care of itself. How politically incorrect of me.

7) Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

Huh? You mean mass murderers, or are you alluding to President Bush and that conspiracy theory that he did it, by God! For the record, we've not been hit since September 11, 2001.

8) We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

No, you'll stay out of my bedroom, but you won't leave our classrooms alone. You will continue to "reeducate," that familiar leftist tactic. By the way, your group has done very well in taking our education system, as well as other institutions into your realm of social engineering.

In addition, your abortion baiting continues to reveal your hatred for people like me who have different opinions as to when conception begins. One thing's for sure: either way, you folks will retain your arrogance as this "pledge" clearly shows.

9) We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, take up another sport. In the meantime, we will arm the deer to make it a fairer fight.

On top of being rather stupid, your humor falls flat on most of us. Your personal feminization is more apparent when you attempt to talk about "guy" things. Check those hormones! There has to be a reason you retain water the way you do.

10) When we raise the minimum wage, we will raise it for your employees too. They will use that money to buy more things, which means you will get the money back! And when women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage too.

I know, Michael, you're rich; YOU pay the extra, but keep me out of it.

11) We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't practice those beliefs. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me"). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism starting here at home.

I love it when atheists attempt to talk about the meaning of scripture, then call people like me hypocrites. Michael, it is obvious you're ignorant when it comes to the Holy Bible. When were you in a Bible Study class last?

12) We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and break the law. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side first. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.I promise all of the above to you because this is your country too.

Uh huh. Okay, I'm "calling you on it." Lemme see. Jack Murtha, unindicted coconspirator in Abscam; Harry Reid, found to have hidden assets; Nancy Pelosi, her brothers are lobbyists and the whole family comes from the City of Baltimore school of how to run a political machine; Alcee Hastings, bad doings with moolah. Did I call you on it?

You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans — and for the rest of the world.

Thanks for acknowledging my membership in the United States of America. By the way, if you can make things "a bit better" I will eat my hat. After all, you sure helped out with the Iraq War with your lame film fantasy, Fahrenheit 911.

Now pull yourself together and let's go have a Frappuccino. ...*

Nah, Michael, I choose not to make nice. I hold you and your ilk responsible for our perceived failure in Iraq. Call it what you want, Michael. The results are still the same. You're like an alcoholic; you get crazy and create messes with your excessive behavior; then you expect the rest of us to say "we're sorry" for the damage you've done.

Of course, Iraq is a problem now. YOU and the media have created an impossible situation, and now you want us to say we're sorry. THEN, when we call you on it by identifying this typical leftist strategy, you accuse us of calling you unpatriotic. It worked, by the way. For a while.

And lastly, I resent you telling me over and over that this is my country too. Who the hell do you think you are?

Thanks for the read.